We All Deserve to Feel Safe – Family and Domestic Violence is Never Okay
You don’t have to read an Instagram quote to know that family and relationships are etched into our hearts: the circle of love, shelter and support that we hold ever so dear. But what happens when that circle of love, shelter and support is just the opposite? No longer a band of interlocked arms as it is a band of interlocked bars, feeling unsafe around the very people who we are supposed to feel at our safest with is a special kind of messed up – something survivors of family and domestic abuse know all too well.
With most of us hardly looking for violence and danger in the places and people we’d least expect it, family and domestic violence (FDV) is a sneaky beast. It can be hard to identify. After all, there is no just one way that abuse looks. It can be physical, sexual, emotional or financial or a twisted package deal. To account for this, the ‘criteria’ for abuse can be well… vague. Often, alarming behaviours can be disguised as being typical, justified and/or warranted, allowing for several rounds of gas lighting, second-guessing and victim blaming to go on unchecked. All the while, help is definitely off the table. At the core of what makes family and domestic violence so dangerous though, is the fact that no one wants to see or believe it’s there. Not the survivors, not the community. If there’s nothing to spot, there’s nothing to worry about right? Even if it is FDV, there’s no use getting involved. So, the risk and pain goes unseen, ignored and invalidated. It’s fine. She’s fine. He’s smiling. She’s smiling. He’s a nice guy. He loves you. You’re overreacting. It’s normal. It’s nothing.
No. Identity and relationship status do not excuse abuse. The chances are that someone close to you has or will experience domestic or family violence. It needs to stop. We all know it. We all want it. We all need it. But if we’re going to create a world without FDV, we have to be prepared to look it in the face. To see it. To see past the happy family and the perfect couple that we want so badly to be true, that we look past the pain and suffering. As a community, we need to be asking 'are you okay' and be okay with listening to something other than the answer we want, expect and all say whether it’s true or not. Only then will we be able to shed the stigma and create the supportive spaces and justice that this issue and the people it affects deserve. See the truth. Hear the truth. Act on the truth. We all deserve to feel safe, especially with the people we’re closest to. Who are we if we look the other way?
If you have concerns for you or a loved one’s safety, please know that help is available. Call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) for free 24/7 confidential support and advice or go to https://www.1800respect.org.au/ for more information and online chat services.
If this post has brought something up for you, support can be accessed by calling Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636. Online chats are also available via https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support.
